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AVAIL Courtesy
While You Were Sleeping
Let's talk about midgets. I love midgets.
I have a friend who is afraid of midgets. I'm afraid of heights and he's afraid of
midgets. He losses his mind when he sees them. He panic's and shakes and almost has
a heart attack. I don't really think about midgets much. I met one that was in that
Aerosmith video "Love in an Elevator." She had itty-bitty tattoos. This big biker
tattoo artist, it was his girlfriend for a little bit. Midgets what do you think about
them?
I was at a bachelor party where a midget porn star was being penetrated by another
women with a strap on.
You love midgets after seeing that.
I have a theory about midgets. People either love midgets or they hate midgets.
If I had an army of midgets I could create a stronghold in the northwestern part
of the United States. You see people either run away from midgets when they see them
or they embrace them.
Like little footballs.
Like footballs but more like nerfballs.
I guess your theory is okay, but I¼m staying neutral like Sweden. Is that the
country that's always neutral?
I think you mean Switzerland, but I'll excuse your geography.
My friend who goes into the panic attack, claims that in the town he's from has
an actual midget colony.
There are midget colonies everywhere.
What do you mean a gated community for midgets?
Not a gated community, a couple of blocks where the mail boxes are shorter, the doors
are shorter, things are more proportioned for midgets. They do exist.
So it's like being in Japan then?
Sort of but it's not so much because of the space factor more than the midget factor.
So I am reading in your press release that one of Avails goals is to conquer the
underground jungle, dance, trance trend in northern Peru?
Yes that is totally accurate. You read that in the bio?
Yes it's in the bio. Exactly how do you plan on doing this?
What does it say in the bio again? I've got to think of a response. I don't think I've
read that portion of the bio. Well the head of the government in Peru has a ban on us
going over there, so its going to be a little difficult to awwä what the fuck are you
talking about? I don't know how to answer that, you're out of your mind. Maybe we'll
use Beau.
It's funny you brought up Beau, because in another part of the bio it mentions that
you guys have actually recruited a dancer to aid your live show.
Yes it was something that was very tactful. We had a band meeting one day and decided
that we couldn't do this on our own, we're a bunch of honkeys.
So you recruited Beau?
Yes, we pay him five dollars a day.
Now I heard a rumor that Beau has been AWOL from the Navy for the past 15 years?
Not 15, about 25 years.
So what's an average day like in Richmond, Virginia?
An average day is waking up to gunshots and people getting shot in the back yard.
Dodgin' bullets on the way to the liquor store at 8am and coming home and drinking
the rest of the time. When it calms down we go sit on the front porch.
Is there anything you'd like to get off your chest?
I love you.
You love me. Look at that I'm picking up guys. Having been from Northern Virginia,
I had observed that a lot of the men from that area have a high sexual prowess?
You think?
Let's just go along with this, its make us all look good.
Yes it's absolutely true.
But along with this there is something missing. Some might call it intelligence.
Don't you mean teeth?
Well, that too. Isn't it strange that a band that started out as a swing cover band
ala Big Bad Voodoo Daddy and Squirrel Nut Zippers, is now trying to be a punk band?
We were trying to either go pop punk because Green Day was getting popular or do the
whole Dave Matthews Band thing, cause he's from over there in Charlottesville. But
that stuffs all too technical for us, and cause we are from Virginia we don't have
much technique. |
